


Hero of War

by RavenOceana



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers, it all works out in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8527639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenOceana/pseuds/RavenOceana
Summary: Q has been watching James and thinks he knows what's wrong. When he talks to James things blow up and we see how things are worked out.***Please, if reading about PTSD triggers you skip on by. I don't want anyone to feel hurt by this.***Written on Remembrance Day in memory of my Dad.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hero of War - Rise Against. Check it out on youtube, it's a great song and seemed the best way to title this one.
> 
> Apologies for any typos etc. I haven't gone over it as just needed to get it out there. If you tell me in the comments I'll correct any issues.
> 
> This is for my Dad who I’m thinking of today (Remembrance Day) such a brave, kind man who never spoke out about the huge impact the war had on him. He would tell us funny stories about what he and his friends got up to during the war. He served in Egypt, Persia (as was) and Italy. We lost him at the grand old age of 90 to skin cancer 5 years ago, something he would have developed through being in scorching heat during the war with no shade. So many servicemen from that era never accessed mental health services and coped in the own ways. If you feel you needs support with any mental health issue please seeks help when and where you feel you can.   
> I don’t support war. I am a conscious objector to it but I respect all who were conscripted and fought for us to be able to live in a country where we are free to make choices such as mine.
> 
> I love you Dad and miss you every day. RIP.

Q sits mulling over what is going on. James has been moody and combative the past few days and Q doesn’t think it is just because he is on mandatory down time. 

 

Q was awake a couple of nights ago, unsure what disturbed his sleep he went to the bathroom in case he needed a wee. On the way back in he watches as James silently rolls out of bed, dropping to the floor. “James are you ok?” Q mutters, still half asleep. James doesn’t reply but he peeks up over the side of the bed, eyes sharp and assessing. “James?” Q exclaims a little louder. James disappears back out of sight behind the bed. “James what’s going on, are you ok?” Q starts to walk around the other side of the bed just as James pops up. “Everything is fine love, thought I’d knocked something of the bedside table is all” he says and gets back into bed. “Come here love you’re going to get cold” James pulls back the covers for Q and he jumps slides in and over to James for a snuggle before dropping back to sleep.

 

Since then James has been very quiet. They had been to Eve’s birthday do (she’s still claiming she’s 23 even though Q has hacked her file and knows that’s off by a few years) and although James was his usual charming self, paying Eve compliments on her dress and how radiant she looked, Q could tell that he was a little off. Not wrong, not doing anything that would highlight it to anyone else but Q knew him better than anyone and something was not right.   
On walk home James had been a bit jumpy and at one point dragged Q into an ally for what he passed off as being horny and not being able to wait to get his hands on Q. Q wasn’t so sure, he had his thigh against James groin and his lover wasn’t hard in the slightest and his shoulders were mission ready tense.

 

He checks the clock and figures he has about an hour before James is back from his run. ‘Hmm’ Q thinks to himself ‘Time for a little Googling me thinks’. 

 

James walks in as Q shut his laptop. “What, whats up?” James asks coming over to his lover. “James can I ask you something” Q queries, looking up at James from the sofa. “Of course love” James says, albeit hesitantly.  
“Have you ever been diagnosed with PTSD?” He asks, feeling it better to come right out with it. “Oh for fucks sake, has someone in Psych come to talk to you? Their meant to be fucking confidential, bastards!” James’ voice raises “I’m going to talk to M, I’m not having that. Fucking lying bastards. They can say it all they want I’m not fucking mental. I knew they had it in for me. Been wanting me out of the field for years” James continues his tirade getting louder as he goes. He has reached the front door, presumably to go talk to M when Q finally gets through to him.  
“James! James love no one has spoken to me about anything” he softly appeased. “ I promise you no one has spoken to me. I just noticed a few things and Googled it is all” He gently reaches towards James thinking to take his coat to hang back up. James snatches it back away from Q and shouts at him “Great you think I’m a fucking nutter. Well fuck you Q I thought we actually had something good. Glad to know you think so little of me” James wrenches the door open and dashes out, leaving Q gobsmacked, frozen just inside the flat. The door slams in front of him and he crumples to the floor, eyes wide and mind racing. What did he say, why did James react like that. He only asked if he’d ever been diagnosed, he hadn’t accused james of being a ‘nutter’ in any way. 

 

Just them Q’s mobile rings and he pulls it from his pocket answering it automatically. “Hello sweetie, do you fancy a cuppa. I’ve not seen you since the party”. “...erm…. Hello Eve. I, um, I’m not sure I’m up for it right now. Can I catch up with you at work tomorrow instead?” Q questions hesitantly. “Q darling, what’s wrong?” Eve demands, field agent training honing in on Q’s hesitance. “...erm, well, I think I may have just upset James, he’s walked out” Q cringes. “I’m on my way to pick you up sweetheart” Eve hangs up and Q just sit there with the dead tone playing in his ear. At some point he hangs up and gets his shoes on. Maybe Eve can help him sort this out in his head before james comes back.

 

*****

 

“So you think Bond has PTSD and he flipped out when you asked?” Eve surmises. “That’s about it” Q hums in to his now long cold tea. They have been sat in the little coffee shop they hide away in just around the corner from Q and James flat now for, gosh nearly an hour when did that happen!  
“Well you did go at it like a bull in a china shop darling, I’m not surprised it set him off” Eve looks at Q, brows draw in worry. “Well I didn’t think he would react that way did I!” Q says a bit exasperated now he’s gone over it all. “I thought he would just answer and we could talk about it”. Eve raises a perfectly manicured brow at him “hmm, yes because that sounds like Bond when anything psych like is mentioned”. Q slumps, draws his knee up and thumps his forehead on it. “I’ve buggered this all up haven’t I ‘Penny”. “Well I wouldn’t say that darling but you may want to apologise for your methodology when you see James. Speaking of which I think it may be a good idea to go home now, not sure how I would feel if I were him coming home and you being gone after all that”. Q jumps up grabbing his thing and kisses Eve on the cheek. “You’re right as always, thank you for your help Evie, whatever would I do without you”. “Oh I don’t know, go mad ad take over the world probably darling. Good luck with your boy. Let me know how it goes and know that I am here should things not work out as well as I hope” Eve waves him off and Q rushed off for home.

 

*****

 

“I came home and you were gone” James admonishes and Q tumbles through the front door. Trying to open it, take his coat and shoes off all while rushing to get in.  
“Oh James, I’m so sorry.” Q pleads. “I’m an absolute arse, I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you got back, I’m sorry I was so blunt with you, I don’t think you’re mad you know I was just so worried and hadn’t thought it all through when I opened my bloody mouth”. It all comes tumbling out as one long sentence Q barely pausing to breathe.

 

“Come here love” James beckons Q to him with an arm out. As Q sit on the arm of the chair, James pulls him so he slides down against his side. “I was rash and you scared me. I’ve been walking and thinking things through” Q looks down at James with a tiny smile and worried frown. “I understand why you asked, ok?” his left hand reaches behind Q to pet at his hair, a comforting gesture they both enjoy. “Psych has been saying for years that I have PTSD ok, each one I speak to throws it at me and has used it to threaten me in to complying with them when I have avoided them” he continues to pet Q as Q studiously listens, trying his best not to do anything that will stop James talking.   
“M…. my M, Mansfield. She knew. We’d spoken about it and she had confidence in me that I had it under control and to some extent I did.” James is looking into the middle distance smiling a sad smile as he continues. “I know she seemed like an old battleaxe... but us, her orphans, she worried about like we were her own children. She knew my background, what I’d seen during my navy service as well as on missions with six, she didn’t even seem to mind too much when she found me sitting in her home drinking her whisky when I was low”. Q snuggles up to James and makes a ‘carry on’ noise.  
“Since she’s gone…. I just…. I don’t know. It feels like it’s just me…. No. I know it’s not, I know I have you but well, I didn’t think you’d get it. I’m an old officer Q and your young, so alive, so vibrant. I suppose I felt like if I spoke with you about it you’d realise what an old wreck I am and end it while you still had the chance”.   
James looks at his lap. Q pulls James face up to him by the chin and gives him a soft peck to the lips. “You’re my old man you know. I want to be with you. Always. I know you have seen things I’ve never seen. Dealt with so much. But you’re not alone, ok. I’m here. I want to be here and I want you. No more hiding things away from me ok.”

 

James and Q kiss and sit together on the chair until the sun disappears. Not speaking, just being together. Eventually then get up, joints creak and crack and they both stifle a laugh as Q sounds just as much the old man as James in that moment. They make their way to bed and James holds Q like something precious. “I love you, you know. More than anything” James whispers. Q holds James tighter “I know, I love you too” he looks up at James. 

 

“I’ll try to talk to you more. You know this won’t make it go away” James looks back at Q, eyes resigned. “I know love. But together we’ll deal with it as best we can. When you’re ready maybe you can tell me what you think sets you off and how you might react, yeah. Then I’ll try to help minimise it and help you deal with it as best I can. But I’m no counselor James”. “I’ve tried counselors love, don’t think they are going to work for me but I’ve spoken with old friends about what they’ve done before and most just find their own way. One of the guys uses music to channel it… maybe I should try learning guitar or something. I don’t know” James muses and stokes down Q’s back. “Oh god, guitar… really? But seriously, whatever you think you need love” he cranes his head up for a peck to James chin. “I think we’ll figure it out… together. Let’s get some sleep love, you’ve a long day at work tomorrow” James bends his head down and kisses Q before resting back and closing his eyes. “Night love” Q whispers back and snuggles against James' chest, thoughts over about Psych and the things he wants to do to them if he gets chance lulling him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> A few symptoms of combat related PTSD found either through veterans blogs/forums or what I witnessed my dad go through. Dad was a WW2 ‘gunner’ he was part of the artillery section and loaded/shot cannons so huge explosions were day to day for him and linked to wartime.  
> Hyper vigilance - playing soldiers, ducking behind walls, pushing loved ones behind them, checking for snipers.   
> Reactions to loud noises - Dad used to gather us all together on fireworks night so he could see us all. We didn’t go to displays and he would rather go out and light a bonfire and be able to see the fireworks going off than be indoors hearing the banging.  
> Nightmares - Not always a distinct replaying of events. Dad’s were of ‘Ogres’ trying to eat/beat/’get’ him. Physically fighting out during nightmares when asleep..  
> Flashbacks - reliving of traumatic events.  
> Depression/low mood/ not being able to ‘be happy’ at happy events. Silence when in large groups (parties), assess situations and not joining in.  
> Chronic fatigue. Physical issues such as cramping and diarrhea.
> 
> ***
> 
> Apologies if this is not your thing, it was a way for me to work a few feeling out today when I'm feeling a bit squishy.


End file.
